the glory of a life, lived

but for a fleeting moment

like flowers blossom and wither

petals fall away

you, will be remembered

to ku-ku

till 30th Jan 2009

today i resigned.

after 9 months here training as a pre-reg, and 11 months as a pharmacist. bittersweet, i must say.

the bad times are really very very bad. patients made me cry at least on 2 occasions. out of exasperation. so many other times on the verge of tears. alot of angst and anger. yet cannot tell them off cos we are in the service industry. just hv to grit my teeth and bear with it. and i hate that. i am expressive. if i cant stand the sight of u i cant help but show it. so i'm really glad for nikki. cos we can bitch together, and she, like me, gets irritated easily. then it becomes very funny. i really respect people in the service industry. i will NEVER take them for granted again. and never leave any counter without saying thank you, or wishing them a good morning / good afternoon. it makes a world of a difference to a service staff. really.

some patients just want to make me cry and bang my head on the wall. i'm so sick of hearing complaints about waiting time, why medicine is so expensive, and why this why that. i am SO SICK of complaints. our society, is really a terrible society. not gracious at all. quite moronic. sickening society. but i learnt to be calm in the face of danger (screaming patient). to handle difficult situations. but still havent learnt the art of not being emotionally affected when a patient is upset. keep reminding myself its not a personal attack. but its really hard. think i walk away from this 9 months with a few scars.

the sweet things.

• my wonderful colleagues. i love NUH for its people. null office politics. cos i think we're all so busy we dun hv time for that anyway. but everyone is so nice, so wonderful. and we work in a team and in R1 is so busy and crazy but everyone hangs on together. the R1 girls are a crazy bunch. but so much team effort. camaraderie.
• my close friends here - roses + thorn + angeline szemian and nikki. roses & thorn went thru so much hardship of prereg together. huapey is a wonderful girl in 5A who never fails to cheer me up on stressful topup days or help with dispensing. jessica my partner, who held my hand with me thru the 9mth of training and encouraged each other during Cancer Centre days. jiat as always, wonderful, clever, a point of reference. honyen the highpitch and ever-sweet girl whose favourite phrase is we-will-hold-on-together, and so we did. david who is the thorn, for doing alot of our sai-kang and tolerating our nonsense. i love the roses + thorn
• mr yong. he is the BEST boss imaginable. imagine, before my wisdom tooth op he smses 'enhui be brave' and always concerned that i hv my meals and hv a goodnight rest. even individually smses ppl happy new year, not mass sms. very touching. despite the stress he faces he's always the calm face amist the chaos. and always has a smile for us.
• the sense of satisfaction when i make an important intervention with the Drs that changes the patient's treatment
• the smile on an old uncle / aunty's face when i greet them, and when we run thru the medicine together and they remember what their medicine is for and how to take it. and when they say thank you and goodbye with so much gratitute. then u know why u bear with everything, just for that smile, just for the knowledge that my job does make a difference.

maybe i will miss my job

O Love beyond compare,
Thou art good when Thou givest,
When Thou takest away,
When the sun shines upon me,
When the night gathers over me.

Thou has loved me before the foundation of the world,
And in love didst redeem my soul;
Thou dost love me still,
In spite of my hard heart, ingratitude, distrust.

Thy goodness has been with me during another year,
Leading me through a twisting wilderness,
In retreat helping me to advance,
When beaten back making sure headway.

Thy goodness will be with me in the year ahead;
I hoist sail and draw anchor,
With Thee as the blessed pilot of my future as of my past.

I bless Thee that thou has veiled my eyes to the waters ahead.

If Thou has appointed storms of tribulation,
Thou wilt be with me in them;

If i have to pass though tempests of persecution and temptation,
I shall not drown;

If i am to die,
I shall see Thy face the sooner;

If a painful end is to be my lot,
Grant me grace that my faith fail not;

If i am to be cast aside from the service i love,
I can make no stipulation;

Only glorify Thyself in me whether in comfort of trial,
As chosen vessel meet always for Thy use.

A Vision of Valley
A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions

the past 12 months. awfully long time. yet, it seems to fly by. we live only 80 years. 90 at best. and 1 year is just strangled away. to join the other Wasted Years. probably the most difficult year of my life.

mostly filled with hurt and anger, sadness and despair. yes i'm kinda relieved 2008 is over. but with lil comfort for 2009. why do u wish happy new year? its just a re-emphasis i'll never be happy. a further stab in the heart.

a struggle btw 'why isnt God doing anything in my life?' and 'what is God doing in my life and why am i not seeing it'.

james 1: 2-4 'My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.'

my new year resolution is to remember God has not forgotten me and all these sorrows, hurts and pains is because God is at work in my life. and God is faithful.

2009.
to trust in Him.