Rainy day. i got soaked twice.

SOAK I: today was the st session of kickboxing.... damn shiong... my whole shirt was wet! yucks. i looked like i fell into a pool or smth. nv had such a workout.. either tt, or i just didnt try hard enough. just kept thinking 'cardiovascular cardiovascular cardiovascular'. punch punch punch. tho i was punching air. imagined a person there. hit him hit him hit him. kick kick kick. skip skip skip. jack jack jack. so when i went to the clubrm in the post-kickboxing state it was quite horrendous. guys dun rem me this way..

SOAK II: after the wake, was on the bus... felt so cosy and dry inside, the rain was in sleets. reminds me of the NZ days when nemo would drive, and the countryside was so pure and refreshed and green after the rain. it felt so safe and warm in the car, tho i had to sit on my hands to keep it warm... in singapore, all u hv is dingy lights. the same sloshing sound. on the TPE. semi-recovered-atmosphere. miss it.

reached tampines. and it was a full blown thunderstorm. i was stranded. then was thinking, wth, just walk. so i got soaked. stranded soaked tragic.

was walking in the puddles. so fun. splash splash. didnt do that for a long time. mighty long time. and let myself soak up the rain. wish to be on a new clean slate again. if only.

rain is beautiful. so was the thunder and lightning. flashes across the sky. so powerful. Elohim. when did ppl become afraid of lightning? mesmerized by it as a child, then conditioned to show fear? why? if only we could hv the same innocent pleasures. not to be lead by the mind, but to b guided by the heart. to enjoy lightning once again, without cringing.

affondandolo più profondo

i will hang on.

this is for one of the guys in my life.. to comfort and encourage. its Alter Bridge. (besides mentioning the amazing deep manly testosterone laden voice of Myles Kennedy). he actually wrote it for his mum. i hope that you'll pick yourself up soon. its gonna b hard and rough, i know the numbing & the suffocation & the sinking realism... like this rose.. there's a time to wilt too. all we hv left sometimes is the memory of the beautiful life now past. memories do live on in the hearts of all. l'amore non viene a mancare mai.

do be brave.

In Loving Memory by Alter Bridge

Thanks for all you've done; I've missed you for so long; I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me; I feel you in the wind; You guide me constantly
I've never knew what it was to be alone, no;
Cause you were always there for me; You were always there waiting
And i'll come home and I miss your face so
Smiling down on me; I close my eyes to see


And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song
that sets me free
I sing it while
I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight
cause it comforts me


I carry the things that remind me of you; In loving memory of; The one that was so true
Your were as kind as you could be; And even though you're gone; You still mean the world to me
I've never knew what it was to be alone, no;
Cause you were always there for me; You were always there waiting
But now I come home and it's not the same, no
It feels empty and alone; I can't believe you're gone

chorus


I'm glad he set you free from sorrow
I'll still love you more tomorrow
And you will be here with me still
And what you did you did with feeling
And You always found the meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will

chorus

the csc guys are going crazy over Sesame Street songs. yes u read right. Sesame Street.

there is not a day when u go into the clubrm and happen to hear something to do with Sesame Street. be it a ringtone or a laptop music. or if someone happens to burst into song. HORRIFIC. yest i stepped in at ard 9-ish and night, saw a peaceful scene of our guys mugging... to the music of Sesame Street. apparently they had it on the desktop. and laptops were playing the same thing to get tt echo-y effect. like dual surround sound wt hv u. the thing guys get the kick out of. goodness gracious me.

i felt like i was in the nursery. a spooky nursery.

so adorable. and fwed uploaded the new-theme-song into our 4th mc yahoo grp. our new csc anthem. there IS gg to b a day when we're all old and bo-gei and will read this post and luff our heads off. the songs also come with spastic expressions and vigorous nodding of heads and hand actions, just in case u were wondering.. so adorable.

Calling vjc 01S14!!! Reg's getting married in Sep 06!!! i gonna b a bridesmaid!!! St Andrew's Cathedral!!!

neglect.

i think i've been neglecting u, my 2 dear fwens. cos i'm always off to the clubroom for interviews & such the past few wks. hardly have had time for u. and i acknowledge it.. yet i dun do anything about it. i laugh it off. hope it hadnt taken a toll on our friendship. it cannot b that cost. i so dont mean it to happen... we havent had lunch tog for eons. i forgot how u open ur mouths. i miss the company. the pharm talk. miss gg home tog. the talking cok singing song. the slouching on the back seat of 95.

sometimes i dun feel like smiling. sometimes i dun feel like laughing. sometimes i just feel like closing my eyes while talking to u gals. while the world around me spins. cos i know u will understand me for wt i am, and i am damn appreciative..

its been 2 years + since i've known u gals. how to describe the shared agony we had in pharm. misery delights company. haha. its been a joy, a great support. dunno wt i'd do in such a screwed life. really. a pillar of strength. talking abt pillars of strength, drain sms-ed me a nice sms. thx best fwen. rem i called him a 'platform from which i can jump' and he was so tickled. will post the sms here so i can read it when i'm down and out. would like to privatize this, so reader, dun b invasive.

gratitude.

Hope tt u r coping well in everything..know tt it can b quite stressful handling all the cs stuff, try to take things easy and rem that u always have a best friend to provide a listening ear.. -drain.

before u know it. time flies such. and i have 8 webcasts to catch. managed to do a few. shit man. shit to infinity. i wanna post smth nice, something poetic, something logical. isnt tt wt blogs are made of? sugar and spice and all that is nice. but not feeling absolutely tops of the tops now. i am afraid of myself sometimes. feel like bashing up people sometimes. really bash them.

front jab
upper cuff
frontal kick

haha. kickboxing may make me kill someone someday. already my fav word is 'grrrrrrrr'. i think i am agressive. is it evil to inflict harm on others? some ppl do it unintentionally.

or rather i hope it is unintentional.

are feelings a blessing or a bloody curse? both start with 'b'.

went for our 3rd csc run yest.. and it was gd cos it totally helped clear up the mind. yes, endorphins and enkephalins and dynorphins. mayb u would qn why the body releases endorphins when we run. cos if not, we'd b yelping in pain for every footfall (already feel like, tho).

'endorphin' is an interesting word, aint it? yes there are other more interesting things. but anyway. it comes from 'endogeneous' and 'morphine'. so totally makes sense to combi the 2 words. what a cute physiologist to coin the term.

taking abt charming. i think the tumour pathologist who's taking us now is so charming. he makes the most awful and synical remarks when he lectures. and is so awfully funny. whoo hoo. makes me love pathology.

anyway. back to csc run. miss the days when i was on campus. like go running at midnight. so envigorating. insomnia-ating. i feel running on campus thrilling. cos got all the bloody slopes and the kick of meeting like a bunch of running guys. which i did yest. anyway. we took the A2 route.. esp love the nuh stretch cos of the lovely trees and such. almost died at the src slope up. some phlegm; felt like spitting. however nice girls dun spit. (they dun. dun argue with me).

hate the src slope. nice jooch paced me. he is so totally fit. i think he has 6 pack. or even 8. and he looks after ppl while they are running - traffic controller, encourager, pacer, run-after-me motivator & run-back-to-c-how-ure-doing. very rare right... i wish yeeng shares this kick i get in running. the rush of blood to the head. the ventilation rate. did i not swear not to run w guys again? haha. thx to drain and BL. grrrrrr. i used to love running alone.

solace in solitude.

Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo chiaro,

Li anche la notte meno oscura.

Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,

Come le nuvole che volano.

today was the 1st day of slp interviews and csc day interviews. so exciting right... like forming oc.. wooo... and also today, a big blunder - i shall think b4 i speak. think i didnt weigh'st thy words before thou giv'st them breath...

i still cant sleep. this is madness. i am like perpetually able to sleep; anywhere anytime. now its so so so insufferable.

its like freaking 2.30am. i got an 8 am lect. arghhhhh.... for entertainment.. nice jooch is talking of his army days. apparently he ran into a helicopter. and there was like big wind and stuff. he says i'll b lifted into the air. so cool right!

Fox glacier. still on the glacier mode. i wanna go back and trek on the glacier. really. any takers?

thats us, on the way to Milford Sound, standing on a glacier; last yr's dec trip to NZ. brought it out again cos i suddenly tot of the glaciers on the way home. hello singapore.

cant sleep. mayb cos i threw a pillow across the clubroom today, knocked over kkl coffee, made a HUGE mess, bought him a replacement only to find he only drinks kopi-o. so i drank it. and of course the stimulant effect and anti-tolerance kicked it so here i am awake as can be. whoo hoo.

we had quite a long 2nd MC mtg today. it was v vocal... hahaha.. lotsa laughter; they are hilarious ppl to work with man.. hahaha.... just got kinda lost when ppl spoke chinese too fast; esp dates. waaaa. lost. talking abt tt, was talking to EK. and he called my chinese irreparable. dunno to b proud or not. hey, stop luffing, its not everyday ppl get called 'irreparable'. i am so gona get back at him. grrrrr. apparently his chinese isnt too good either cos he went US for a couple of yrs. u didnt know? lets expose him.

we were also on the topic of plane-related-personnel. we girls totally go gaa-gaa over :

1)pilots

2)stewards

3)plane tech - apparently they travel ard the world

4)the orange man with the orange lollipops.

now why is that so i wonder. hmm. anyway. what awful crap. i ought to be sleeping. but here i am. gaaaaah. caffeine is a stimulant. pharmacology. i luv it. whoo hoo.

trepidation. maybe. 2 SPs are in FULL SWING. feeling the jitters. this wk, just completed interviews for the PDs ans APDs for CSC day and Signature Love Proj. in the hands of experienced ppl, yet i'm still feeling the jitters. like the first proj tt will be under our hands...

thx for all the support. trying to tell myself to stop getting paranoid. its gonna be okay. i'm not totally on my own; i have the support of these wonderful ppl below..

happy 1st month birthday, 4th mc..

LHS: having lotsa luffs. RHS: 4th MC in the now-can-see-the-floor-after-2-yrs-of-not-seeing-the-floor CSC Storeroom. Our cleanup. and many smelly ppl squashed in the storerm. whoo hoo.

backlogging here again. blame the freaking tests. neverending madness-ses.

well, last sat was GAW children's day party... must commend the OC on being well organized.. yup.. lovely deco & stuff. prog were interesting. however, i got a grp of little terrorists. jooch and i were like HELPLESS. up to the point of jooch grabbing one under each arm and walking about. yes. amazed at his 1)strength 2)absolutely funny to watch 3)wished they would like hurry up go home. terrorists. this boy said he dun wanna hold girl's hand. and when i let go he shot off like a bullet, ran down the staircase, across the hallway and into the elevator. call me helpless please. so exasperating. i am so OFF children. poor jooch. he was extremely tired out. terrorists.

mayb a nice thing was this nice little very cute boy. he was sooooooooo cute. he had bananas-in-pajamas pants. and he went ard sitting on ppl's laps, and when he got his gift, and opened it to see new shoes, his face was like totally LIFTED up. yes. and he leant on kunhong until he was lying on the floor. so here u go: a 23+ yr old guy on the floor w a deliriously happy very-cute little boy lying on top of him. ahhhh.

after gaw, i went to tampines home. initially had reservations. and sd intro me to a 'spitting man' who was quite cute. cos when u went near him he made 'bmhhh' sounds. then i went to play w clay with this man. he was SOOOOOO nice. he stood up and left, and returned w a chair. he pulled my hand towards the chair indicating i should sit. so nice. (if only guys did tt in real life. normally no one wanna hold my hand). dun luff.

then we learnt the chicken dance and he was so so so happy.. giving hi-5s and holding my hand pulling me everywhere. fwed asked if i was comfortable, and to my own surprise, i said yeah, i am. in fact. they are v gentle ppl. am considering gg to tampines home if they have recruitment prob in future...