its been a while since i've been able to find words. words that form, that coalesce into sentences somehow. our hurt, our pain, our unbelief. my mind aches, i cant breathe. i wish to die. i wish i do not need to hurt jooch so, when i see the pain in his eyes. wishing to wake up from this nightmare; peace comes only in sleep, sometimes.
yet to our hope, our strength, our love, i cling. it will see us through.
we've been together for a little less than a year. time is so short; i've only just been able to start introducing him as my boyfriend, we still blush if asked if we are together. i nv openly blog about him. i am still shy. yet ironically, when i open my heart, i am trying to close it. we had a marvellous year. simply wonderful. my happiest. because of you, jooch. this is not the ending, its just a cool-off we must take. for the sake of the future - the really longterm future. we are not losing each other - remember this, dearest jooch.
i hope u dont find this post too sappy. but i need to say certain things, to wonderful ppl whom i am very grateful for. my dear friends. i thank u who have pulled me through the week -
xQ who understands fully, & is ever so concerned.
huirei, who is rational, and gave me hope.
drain, who affirmed me, and will steady me when i fall.
michelle, who cried with me, who gave me strength. thankyou for ur prayers, ur hugs, ur belief.
shifong, i've read ur card many times, and each time, it renews my hope. its v impt to me.
yeeng, i wish u were here. i need to hug u. thx for all the virtual blue hugs & emails. and the long counselling sessions, across time, across continents and oceans.
denise & yuncai, for simply being there and knowing how far we have come. knowing how precious it is, knowing we hv promise. thankyou yinggai for remembering our anniversary (tho its the wrong date), it means alot to us.
and to everyone else, whom i know u feel for us, and to whom we can always lean on. my 4th mc; zQ, one smell, yvonne.. i know u are there. thankyou so much.
and to jooch, u are so strong, despite ur own pain. hv patience & faith, never lose hope, my dearest. our love will stand. it will. keep strong for the future.
i will be here for u, always.
Volunteers' Appreciation Tea 5th jan 07 
