if i could live today again..

to wake myself up from the reverie
of your surreal presence
is it really you?
i peep.

why do words escape me, leaving me utterly speechless
when i have so much to say, imaginary conversations with u
why do i feel so shy
when u are the most familiar person in the world to me
why do i stand immobilized, rooted to the floor
and just catch glimpses of u from afar
why do thoughts evade me, fleeing far and wide
& my mind is blank as i gaze at u

those same eyes
miss u so much.

transport me back in time
i wish, i wish


reminded of God's faithfulness today.

Remember November

what happiness it brings me
- the warm cosy huggy feeling
what comfort i have
- seeing how far we have come

then and now

my heart is happy.

it is as if...

the sun has broken through the clouds
and u're not used to the sun
cos u're so used to the rain

are we ready for the sun?
or remain in the coolness of the rain?

what is the sun?
why do its rays shoot down in perfect lines?
will it be good?
what if its too strong?

will the sun go back behind the clouds? and leave us in this rain?
or will the sun stay, and take over the rain?

will we ever forget the rain?
or remain soaked forever?
how do i promise you this?


it is as if...

there is a fork in the road
with no signpost in sight
u sit, perplexed, and think,
but all u hear is the silence of the woods

one path is so straight and wide
with neatly trimmed hedges,
and landscaped flowerbeds welcoming you

yet there is a padlock on its gates
will it be opened?

the other path is winding and narrow
yet it is gently shadowed by the forest greens
lil bluebells grow gently by the wayside



wherefore art thou goest?
yet the destination of both paths is the same..

my pain stems from your pain
and your pain stems from mine

how ironic it all seems
how intricately intertwined

if only i could lessen your hurt
the culprit of which was, foolish i

if only i could soothe your frown
and take away all your sighs

till when? we ask, till we crumble
is it all part of walking in the light

unanswered questions, fearful thoughts
has all this blinded our goal in sight?

pls heal, my dearest, i pray that u will
you are, inside of u, strong and brave

then likewise will i have the courage
to tread on this path God gave

i gaze upon the night sky is so wide
while i am here, so scared, so small

my only comfort is to know, & to believe
that God will catch us, when we fall.



He will take care of u. when i can't.

it could be worse
- i could have cancer and die slowly from chemo
- my heart could just fail and i die on the spot
- while crossing the road i get flattened by a bus
- i could fall into a coma and sleep forever
- earth got hit by an asteroid & i got smashed by a rock
- they hate u & condemn u & tell u to go away & scold u & i die

then all u can do is sit by the hospital bed and hold my cold hand as my life slips away. and i would feebly thank u for making me so happy. & give u my last smile. how much u love me. isnt that life lived already. those days when i woke with a smile, spent my day with a smile, went to bed with a smile, and dreamt with a smile.

today i asked myself if its all worth it. then i realised, i neednt even ask, the answer is so obvious. no matter how bitter it is now, it wont offset those happy days. everyday was a valentine's day. i will not give up. cos God is faithful.

1Cor10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

where are you?

feels like i cant breathe again
feels like i'm clutching at thin air, with visions of you
feels like every time we get stronger we fall again
feels like time is standing still and mocking at us

feels like forever


i'm so numb i have no ability to understand anything anymore.

can everyone stop hurting me. can God stop hurting me.

dear mama & pp. u've always given me whatever i wanted. especially pp. u've spoilt me thoroughly and always let me hv my way most of the time. i just need to sulk, and u give in. i feel so loved, so much a precious lil daughter to u. i know u'll always give me the best. but this time, i dont know why u wont give me. thru so much tears, so much entreaties, why do u cry with me. why do u try to make me happy thru small things like chocolates & waffles, and playing with me, patting me to sleep, driving me to work tho its 45mins one way. why do u dry my tears, when the well from which it originates from lies in ur hands.


at first i didnt understand ur decision, for anything other than a Yes would be a discouragement, or a unwise encouragement. u dont want to discourage, thankfully; nor encourage. i feel comforted by that. anything other than a Yes. let him grow unhindered like a lil plant. strong enough to withstand the harsh sun and the blast of the rainstorms. it feels like forever. will we die before the end. my soul is under attrition. i trust God will give all of us wisdom. and comfort.