riflessioni 2005

Studies & StudyingS:
this sem, my first (and only, I hope) C+ for pharmacology. Well at least it wasn’t an F. and my other results did its canceling out effect so tt was a relief.. this sem was hard juggling newly assumed duties & studies… really… but I think I managed both okay… so glad this sem is over! early 2005 with 5 core was hellish… w a dropping cap, so this sem managed to rescue it a little.. sometimes I lose sight of the grand aim of studying to become a pharmacist… yes, always bear tt in mind, chloe, study for yourself, for the people u are gg to help in future..

Love & Hate:
still feeling faithless; I dunno wt to think of u. send me a card, u apologise; it makes u feel better, but would it, for me, did u even think. Of course not. ease ur conscience, but torment me. piece of shit. pls b more discerning. Memories consume, like opening the wound. its been a yr, i will not think anymore.

anyone who's reading this, lets leave it behind, lets look to 2006,

and heal!

Courage for the Courageous:
think the first step was hosting VAT 05; a tad traumatizing, but w pkl its not too bad, I think I gushed too much. So these prepared me for the ultimate challenge of hosting jamX prelims.. I think tt is an achievement I am most proud of.. kept talking in tt ‘varied pitch emcee voice’.. jam x two-thousand-aaaand-fiveeeeeee….hhaha.. I rem I went on stage thrice & forgot to announce soccer results each time.. too intent on the bands… faint.. and when Lloyd of parousia co-hosted the results.. I could well have fainted.. it takes lotsa courage to emcee, but there is this 'high' when the crowd reciprocates.. =)

Duties for the Dutiful:
jamX 2005 was a blast, working w my 2 best fwens drain & one smell. I think it would not hv been a success without either of u – drain, for always being rational & practically cool, one smell for having the dreams & planning.. and of course xQ & lijie… without whose emotional support & encouragement… amazing girls.. I rem the eve of jam x, lijie me one smell hv panic attack in my room, we last min printing out prog etc.. hahha. & my jamX comm… Such wonderful memories, I love u guys…

Life in the 3rd mc as hon gen sec.. hosting the agm, preparing the report was total hell.. we had our times, didn’t we, we saw thru the largest gaw04, a try on mwts, a very successful SK’IE… yes, the times of the 3rd mc… u guys are indeed great.. little did I know I would step up as vpsp if not for the times we had, and the motivation towards the betterment of csc.. this new post is demanding, but the joy in seeing my PDs & APDs planning, my OCs slogging their hols out really makes me proud, and I know now, yes, mika & jk, for all your counsel, how this finally feels. =)

entering an RVP - Touch

they say, an SP volunteer is diff from an RVP volunteer. i quite agree. its more personal, more hands on. i knew it would b w the elderly, so it was either touch / lb. i went to lb changi airport outing n they had enuff vol, so touch it was. and i do not regret it!!! its by far one of the best things i did in csc.. i rem my first so called 'visit' was tagging along to c yima i SGH..thereafter our other elderly are endeared to me as to our fellow touchies. our departed yima & mdm khng.. these are special volunteers... recently we had a few new elderly, n its great to see them slowly warming up to us- i saw mr tan in ttsh, and its our 2nd time only, but i think he's awfully surprised n touched we came.. he talked more, n wasnt the disinterested man he made out to b during the 1st visit.. i talked to him to most in ttsh, and he called my hokkien 'kiang'. (either he was confused, or my very-tired-post-chalet-state made my hokkien more fluent). anyway i'm so happy. & i hate leaving him in hospital. how he sat on the bed & waved. alone.

that's why we volunteer.

Chloe turns 21:
lijie wished me 6 times at least in 6 diff cards... so many celeb, thx all my fwens!.. haha never felt so popular.

celeb #1: surprise chalet on 8th w everyone!

celeb #2: surprise lunch at munchies on 26th w ragnaroc

celeb #3: surprise cake during elections on 27th w 3rd & 4th mc

celeb #4: not-so-surprise cake at church on 28th

celeb #5: routine dinner at jack's place w family

celeb #6: everyone in pharmacy lab singing...sweesung mum & ah-manda

celeb #7: at AGM from Touch ppl

Hahhha But the most amazing was the one tt nemo & mama planned at the IDA bungalow.. thankyou papamama, such a huge party… and all my fwens who were involved, esp the roosters, thx a lot! And yeeng! Yes dear gal… u scoundrel..

What Say You Say I Say:
yuncai said I have a big butt. He later abbreviated it was BB which now he says stands for Best Buddy. Right, I believe. Ek was also v bad, 5 gals in his car, me blocking his rearview mirror & he said I am big size. I was so upset. Then he later said I cant get married must go NZ cos they like big girls. I am very upset. He said I cant get married. (he insists he said ‘if’) Then xq said ‘guys like gals who are big’ (I do not wanna know wt he is defining it as). I feel freaked out. Faint. So chee-ko.

Thus ends 2005.

ah yes. holidays are always wonderful arent they. here we are at BINTAN. hee hee. its in indonesia btw. (i didnt know) actually i know nuts abt the place. bintan batam. enuff confusion. thx yuncai & denise for doing the running ard and the arrangements! now look at the pix, tt's the hotel lobby.. and tt pathway invitingly leads u straight to the blue blue sea! cant relly see it here, the blue merges with the horizon. but its just like a step away; so inviting!!!

we totally maximized our time, too early to chk in so we headed straight for the beach. it was so alluring! wt struck me was the smooth-ness of the beach. such a gentle sandy slope. and how the waves just crashed upon the shore. POUNDING SURF. the power, the sound, the force. now i totally understand e meaning of tt word- waves crashing, crashing upon the shore.. whoooooo hooooo. one smell & i got v excited by some ppl on the beach, got inspired, and so we went body surfing, its sooooo cool. positive demonstration by jooch & many tries by us all. its so fun and cool.. like to be carried by the waves as u pounce on it. really carried, the speed is amazing. a matter of timing, angle and deftness. (haha, i sound like i know). yes. whooooo hooooo.

very pleased w our chalet... nicely furnished, very tasteful, and best of all, u open the door, and there's a running pavement, a patch of grass, then the sea. yup. its tt close. wonderful. after jumping into e sea after our arrival, with our body surfing and basically whaling ard, did some beach volley - injury of left thumb - and some frisbee. yuncai has this cool frisbee tt looks like a thin donut. (or is it spelt 'doughnut'). and its pink! and the gals cant throw frisbee for nuts. ok. i cant throw frisbee for nuts. but the frisbee is fun, esp since u can hang it round ur neck and its pink. whooooo hooooo.

Tt evening we taxi-ed down to Pasar Oleh Oleh for dinner which cost the 6 of us $100. read extortion. And it wasn’t v fabulous so we were bitching abt it in Chinese… and as we left, the waiter spoke back to us in Chinese, almost fainted. We left in a hurry. Thereupon which, we started speaking in hokkien and canto. Haha. The Touch Dialect Immersion, truly a Touch retreat indeed. Pasar Oleh Oleh is a manufactured village; every stone is placed with precision, every smile is for the tourists. Like brimming with fakeness. And there was this black-market shop where there were no pricetags so we had to ask ard for the prices. Finally decided on 2 brand-less biscuits (which we later forgot about and I suspect is under the bed of our chalet cos no one packed it back home, haha) & when jooch went to pay up, apparently there was a price inflation. Faint. Like stock market. Haha.


There’s this new saying – if its too expensive, take photos (paizhao), photos are free anyway. So we really paizhao-ed a lot at Pasar Oleh Oleh. Hey new lingo.

we went to visit this other CSC guy's villa which was huge, gd for a big grp. and they were like eating microwave pizzas so tt saved them a couple of quid. (if we ate microwaved pizzas then my pizza count would diminish.) thereafter a night walk back to our cosy place. strolling along the beach at night is v peaceful and surreal - the sand, the sound, the sea, the darkness albeit w a tint of moonlight through a cloud-filled sky. (its not cloudy, its cloud filled). and the breeze thru the air. and the sand under ur feet. and in the company of 5 great fwens. that was BLISS.

tt night, we added bliss upon bliss - scrabble (which we gave up halfway), monopoly (jooch & i went to jail 4 times (faint) but we got the most property. one smell & lijie, haha. kept gg in full circles & hence got the most $. but i insist we won, right jooch?) & this hilarious charades in which we drew CSC ppl. hahha! lixian!!! hahaha. lixian will kill me if i post it here. now tt would b fun... (its one smell's fault).

the guys went to shit at abt midnight. yes. dun ask me why. but yuncai didnt wanna shit cos he 'wanted to lose weight' (quoted; make ur own conclusions). there's this v comfy hammock (tt was comfy b4 jooch squashed in too) & u could just sit there & swing & count waves & look at the moon & listen to the surf & wish it'd last forever.

5.30am wake up (e gals got the bed. heehee) to watch sunrise. BUT. the sun rose from the other side; behind. no glorious sunrise. & one smell's pre-planned morn-jog-along-the-sandy-beach was just lijie and i. haha. but tt was nice enough. we went down south to Tanjung Pinang, singing all the way sappy love songs for about an hour, it was less paizhao-ed there, and everyone bought kuey lapis for $20. the company was great, tho it was quite some paizhao-fication there, esp the taxi ride. & i'm a bit traumatized by the locals, quite shady. so Dialect Immersion we went again... singing all the way. hee hee. denise has a nice voice! & i think our 3 guys are sick of us trying to sing. for like 2 hours. haha. well, we kept the driver awake. & at least we didnt do my heart will go on or smth. (read, puke)

we went to kayak & tt was amazing. jooch & i got the pink kayak, heehee. & we paddled far away till the shore could b covered by 2 aligned fingers. now, this u cant do in singapore. & every 5 mins we lined up the kayaks (read, no stamina). the guys did stunts - climbing onto each others' kayaks to change partners. if they fell, i dunno whether to laugh or to row back to shore & leave them stranded. then again denise will save yuncai & lijie will save one smell. jooch will hv to swim back. i did a stand too! its terribly shaky to stand on a kayak, but v v shiok to spread ur arms, feel the bobbing, feel the wind. we are the champions!

i think i was lying down most of the time. so shiok. bob bob bob. (cos jooch was doing the rowing, haha) to trail ur hand/leg in the water, to just see the sky, hear the splashes of the oar, ignore the whining tt i'm creating a drag force...our finale- denise & yuncai capsized at shore. jooch & i tot it'd b fun so we capsized too. lijie & onesmell were so busy laughing tt the next thing they were also underwater. & lijie screamed at one smell. its fun to get capsized there cos the surf's pounding and the water's rushing all around (not to mention the kayak went over my head, which i bumped). then again, tt was pretty dangerous to attempt. intentional capsizing, wt a laugh!

it was a glorious break. & the best thing was, the company. (awww).

company coupled with the surf is a unforgettable combination.....watch this space for more funky pix! heehee. cheers!

pizza hut holly jolly pizza is certainly quite yummy. just that the cheese not melted enough. but it does really spew out from the sides.. yummy heehee. i hv eaten 4 out of my 100 pizzas i swore to eat. goodness. anyway, went there cos nelly was in singapore, back from badar aceh. i think it takes alot to b a missionary.

i realise my past few posts make me sound like a discontented piece of shit. either that, or a cow fanatic. moo moo. COWABUNGA. but it is not so, in fact, been quite happy recently save for a few affairs. funny how ppl tend to blog only when upset or wanna bitch or smth. my new year's resolution! hee hee.

well. after coming back from malaysia-truly-asia (trauma of not-cute-big-eared-toddler-relative & vegetarian food. how can they survive. omg. get real. here i go a-bitching again..) & was plunged back into csc affairs.. like suddenly so many things to settle. my SPs are doing fine fine fine. couldnt b happier. whoooooo hooooooo.

we hv completed a very successful first-ever inaugural virgin CSC WORKSHOP!!! congrats to meitoon & lixian, our vol managemt directors for taking up the challenge; a brave step indeed. over the 2 days, we learnt (tried) wheelchair issues (i got called a watermelon. anyway, helpful tip, pretend u're wheeling a watermelon), malay, canto, hokkien, first aid, how-to talks.. wonderful. simply amazing. its v heartwarming to see our chairpersons step out to teach us volunteers stuff, alot of effort. certainly commendable. the best part was our volunteers, talking and mingling like they know each other for years. and quek and xQ provided lotsa luffs. i think i nv luff so much (luff continuously for 1hr). crazy. tt xQ. open his mouth every one luff. hahahha. so hilarious.

after the workshop some of us went to Settlers to chill. and celeb zhenqin's bday. the funny thing was zQ was the one jio-ing ppl to go settlers. haha. he was so awesomely shocked. settlers is fun. settlers is fun. settlers is fun. the other table was sooooo noisy. (not related to them). hahhaa. got kkl and fwed and lixian, wt to expect. hahhaha. after tt our voice a bit gone. so pooped. but so fun. hehhehe. the games are so fun. yes. there's this dwarf game where one could b a sabotuer & disable other dwarfs and stuff. so fun. like strategy and bluffing ppl into thinking u're gd when act u are bad. i like being bad (w fav crystal). hee hee. we also played this wacky game, smth like a cross btw pictionary & charades, and i had to act out ZERO GRAVITY.yes. hahha. absolute fun. i love my mc. end of a hard day's work go and chill. =)

had a great gals night out on mon with reg and von... like good old days, me reg von. von reg me. =)

we went to thai-express and the soft shell crab there is simply AMAZING. i dunno how vegetarians survive man. hahaa. then after crapping we kinda ran to max brenner's to INDULGE in some good good choc. yes. exquisite!

ooh lala.

well gals. in a blink of an eye its been 3 years since we grad.. how time flies.. still feel so sch-girl-ish when i'm with u all. and reg, u nv change, still ever so bubbly.. hhehhe... same prob. vjc culture is non-ktv.. hahha.. nvm, we'll carry on our funky choc business. ok next stop gals, we shall go to Harry's bar okay.. yes yes. and that french place and gorge. yes yes. me luv reg and von!!!

certain things that cant be said
not for the good of all mankind
nor for the sake of any blessed hope

but of the consequences

all this repression
is indeed not good for the soul

to pour it out entirely
would be a balm
to ease this troubled spirit.

yet in its entirety

would a delicate trust be betrayed

oh confounded trust

why does the burden grow heavier?

to yeeng i thank thee, for tho nothing has been said
i know u are there
and that's enough.

and to my pending 3rd best fwen
i owe u one.

Masquerade! /Paper faces on parade/Masquerade! /Hide your face so the world will never find you/Masquerade! /Every face a different shade/Masquerade! /Look around, there's another mask behind you.


Flash of mauve/Splash of puce/Fool and king/Ghoul and goose/Green and black/Queen and priest/Trace of rouge/Face of beast/Faces!/Take your turn, take a ride/On the merry-go-round/in an inhuman race/Eye of gold/True is false/Who is who?/Curl of lip/Swirl of gown/Ace of hearts/Face of clown/Faces!/Drink it in, drink it up/Till you've drowned/In the light/In the sound/But who can name the face?


Masquerade! /Grinning yellows, spinning reds/Masquerade! /Take your fill, let the spectacle astound you/Masquerade! /Burning glances, turning heads/Masquerade!/Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you/Masquerade!/Seething shadows breathing lies/Masquerade!/You can fool any friend who ever knew you/Masquerade!/Leering satyrs, peering eyes/Masquerade!/Run and hide, but a face will still pursue you.

wanted to post this, then decided against it, then thot, wt the heck. i blog for myself.

2. i do not understand my relative's definition of cute.

there's this complicated lineage of family tt we visited. my dad's aunt's daughter's son or something. anyway. he's aged one & a half. and is NOT cute. his ears stick out so. i would sooner chop them off. his ears are insufferable. if i had such ears. i would die. i dun see why everyone is fawning over him. for goodness sake. wake up. he is not cute.

so there he sits on the floor and plays with trucks and stuff. and everyone, grownups, are baby talking. for goodness sake. if u baby talk with him. he will end up talking tt way in real life. shit. i do. but i only do tt sometimes. to get my way. or if i'm w yeeng. so tt is permissible. get a grip. and then he goes and does some funny dance. and everyone claps. gimme a break. its not cute. i think he'll turn out to be gay.


3. i do not understand why guys like to wear shades. i think its cos they can then stare at someone without being seen, like on the mrt. haha. or mayb its to hide small eyes. ok, think i'm gonna get yelled at for this.

4. i do not understand certain observed behaviour. absolutely slacked in the clubrm today. was a gd time to sit and observe. and some ppl are acting weird. haha. shhhh.

dun understand somethings. haiya.

dunno why vegetarians exist.

went to m'sia (m'sia truly asiaaaaaaa) immed after my paper. like escape the country barely 12 hours later. i digress. anyway. went to m'sia and nemo relatives brought us ard kl.. went to vegetarian restaurant. now, beside it got this wonderful wonderful bak kut teh shop. i totally suck for bak kut teh. its like cheese. full of flavour. i digress. well. we HAD to go to this chinese vegetarian restaurant and ate fake fish and fake lamb curry. VERDAMMT just eat the real thing. its like fake boobs.

now i rem writing some analogy about fake boobs but cant for the life of me rem wt tt analogy was abt. mayb smth to do with taogay (they are poisonous). anyway. i digress. fake vegetarian meat is so fake. like breast implants. gimme a break.

like. wts the point of being vegetarian. ok. i guess u shit better. like better bowels and stuff. and yes, i do admit its healthier. antioxidants and what nots. God made cows and sheep and pigs and goats and chickens for us to eat. u mean, dear mr vegetarian, that u gaze upon the cow on yonder green grassy hill, how wonderful thou art, mr cow!

oh cow! how beautiful u look standing on the green green grass!
how wonderful, mr cow. is your contrast of the black and white upon thy verdant pasture! how truly magnificent is your udder!how marvellous is your moo!
how mightily doth thou standst, strong and proud upon the land!
oh wonderful work of creation is thou, mr cow.

so now u see it. mr vegetarian's strong affection for the mr cow. gimme a break.
JUST EAT THEM.